The Haters Guide to the 2026 MLB Season

TL;DR

A sardonic team-by-team roast of all 30 MLB franchises heading into 2026, highlighting every roster flaw, front office blunder, and fan frustration.

Key Points

• 1.AL East teams face major injury and roster questions. The Yankees are without Judge (until May), Rodon, Schmidt, and Cole to start the year; the Orioles lean on Trevor Rogers and unproven pitching while holiday and Westburg remain injured; the Red Sox paid heavily for Sonny Gray and Ranger Suarez to back Crochet.
• 2.AL Central rebuilds are at opposite ends of the spectrum. The White Sox won the draft lottery and pin hopes on top prospect Roc Shalowski while targeting 20-win improvement; Cleveland spent under $10 million in free agency despite fan outcry, banking on elite pitching and farm system prospects.
• 3.The Tigers and Royals represent rising contenders with real concerns. Detroit has Scubal Valdez and a revived core including Parker Meadows and Kevin McGonagle, but risked angering Valdez by lowballing him in arbitration; Kansas City continues Bobby Witt Jr.-led success while a downtown stadium deal remains frustratingly unresolved.
• 4.AL West is dominated by the Astros and clouded by dysfunction elsewhere. Houston leans heavily on Hunter Brown and a healthy Framber Valdez while the bullpen is riddled with injuries; the Angels are explicitly a retirement home under Arte Moreno with no Spanish TV broadcast and mismanaged roster decisions; the A's play in Sacramento while fixating on a Vegas stadium.
• 5.The Dodgers and Padres define the NL West's extreme contrast. LA signed Kyle Tucker for $60M/year and Edwin Diaz to complement a rotation expected to lose 75% to injury, doubling down on villain status; San Diego counters with one-year band-aids after losing Dylan Cease, a first-time manager in Craig Counsell's assistant, and a franchise sale to the Seidler family for roughly $3 billion.
• 6.NL East is headlined by Mets ambition and Phillies aging concerns. New York lost Pete Alonso and Edwin Diaz in the same offseason while adding Devon Williams and a seven-man rotation; Philadelphia relies on a lineup with OPS starting in the .3s, an uncertain bullpen, and Rob Thompson's controversial five-year extension, while the Nationals tread water hoping James Wood and Dylan Crews develop.
• 7.NL Central features a Cardinals rebuild and Cubs' Bregman addition. St. Louis finally acknowledged rebuilding, trading veterans to restore a top-10 farm, with Dustin May as the hoped-for ace; Chicago added Alex Bregman, who endeared himself by attending Bulls games, but the bottom of the lineup is thin after missing out on Kyle Tucker.
• 8.NL West non-Dodgers teams are stuck hovering around .500. Arizona must wait until after the All-Star break for Corbin Burns, Merrill Kelly, and Justin Martinez to return, relying on Edwin Diaz and Paul Sewald to survive; the Giants have hovered at exactly .500 over 500-600 games and resemble baseball's Atlanta Hawks, while the Rockies serve mainly as division fodder.