Spitballs: Ninja Accountant

TL;DR

Two broke LA dreamers crash a Hollywood party and improvise a pitch for 'Ninja Accountant' — a film where the ninja does absolutely no ninja-ing.

Key Points

• 1.The sketch centers on two failed Hollywood hopefuls. Mike, a trust-fund writer, is finishing a book about Jimmy Carter's peanuts; Jay is a barista-actor who quits his coffee shop job to attend the party.
• 2.The Boozemeister, a washed-up 2000s comedy actor, gets them into a Hollywood Hills party. He claims a producer named Joel Silverstein will be there, giving the trio a chance to pitch an idea.
• 3.'Ninja Accountant' is improvised on the spot with no preparation. The pitch evolves from a bland 80s-style mob-karate mashup to a story about a Japanese ninja fired by drones who retrains as a CPA.
• 4.The group debates endlessly whether the ninja should use any ninja skills. They ultimately commit to a film where he attends accounting school, resists bar brawls, and saves the day by being a terrible accountant who wipes out a villain's bank account.
• 5.The 'producer' they pitch to turns out to be a disgraced congressman looking for a pistol. Rich (the Boozemeister) admits he's been blacklisted for 25 years, was just trying to steal their wallets, and doesn't know any real producers.
• 6.Ninja Accountant somehow gets made exactly as pitched. A mysterious figure who was hiding in a suit of armor — or eavesdropping outside the door — steals the idea and scores a huge box office opening weekend.
• 7.The sketch ends with a parade of despairing coworkers at the coffee shop. Each employee delivers an increasingly dark one-liner about their failed LA lives, punctuated by Jay quitting again and the manager immediately posting a job opening.