Game Theory: There's Too Much Cheese?! (Mouse P.I. For Hire)

TL;DR

MatPat mathematically investigates whether IGN's 'too much cheese' complaint about Mouse P.I. is justified, counting 3,543 cheeses and 371 dialogue mentions.

Key Points

• 1.IGN's controversial 6/10 review triggered the investigation. The reviewer cited 'too much cheese' in Mouse P.I. For Hire, a hand-drawn rubber-hose-style boomer shooter, sparking widespread internet backlash that prompted a mathematical audit.
• 2.43% of the 14 main characters have cheese-based names. Jack Pepper (pepper jack), Cornelius Stilton (stilton blue cheese), Steve Bandel (Bandel cheese from West Bengal), and Professor Von Haza (German sour milk) are among the six cheesy names.
• 3.The game's 28,653-word script contains 371 cheese mentions — one every 77 words. 'Cheese' or 'cheesy' appears 106 times, character name references add 215 more, and variants like fondue (17x), blue (11x), and mozzarella (7x) account for the rest.
• 4.MatPat hand-counted 3,543 physical cheese objects across 24 levels. Clergy Row alone had 1,012 cheeses; the Far Wetlands had 787; the Old Subway had 333 — driven largely by 1,037 cheese-legging jugs and 1,330 cheese wheels.
• 5.The cheese wheels likely depict raclette, weighing a total of ~26,500 lbs (13.25 tons). Holes ('eyes'), melting behavior, and dark textured rind match raclette; wheels average 15-inch diameter and 18 lbs each, and lined up would stretch over 4 miles.
• 6.Mice don't actually eat cheese, making the game's cheese quantity lethal for its characters. Mice evolved to eat nuts, grains, and dried fruit; soft cheeses like brie can choke and kill them since they lack molars — but 26,500 lbs is trivial compared to the 1.4 billion lbs in US cheese caves.