Why some couples are happier living apart

TL;DR

Some couples thrive living apart because separation preserves independence, desire, and personal identity that cohabitation tends to erode.

Key Points

• 1.Living Apart Together (LAT) is a growing, named lifestyle choice. Between 2000 and 2019, married couples living separately rose over 25%, and a Facebook group with thousands of LAT couples helped popularize the term.
• 2.Mike and Susan's 23-year LAT relationship began for practical reasons. Mike had two teenagers who didn't need stepmother pressure; by the time the kids left for college, the couple had been together 5–6 years and saw no reason to change.
• 3.Gray divorce is fueling the LAT trend. The divorce rate for adults over 50 has doubled since the 1990s, leaving more older singles who've 'been there, done that' and have already built lives — with nearby healthcare, family, and routines — that work.
• 4.Women's financial independence removed the historic economic pressure to cohabit. Until the 1970s, U.S. women couldn't open bank accounts without a husband; today they neither need a partner financially nor want the domestic role that once came with it.
• 5.Separateness sustains desire and personal freedom. Mike still feels 'butterflies' after 23 years anticipating Susan's arrival; each keeps distinct hobbies — his loud jazz and seven turntables, her art and quiet documentaries — that shared space would compromise.