“If everyone did this, I’d be out of a job” - Divorce Lawyer

TL;DR

A divorce lawyer argues that progressive emotional and physical revelation during courtship — not hookup culture — builds lasting relationships and keeps couples out of his office.

Key Points

• 1.Talk openly and progressively: The lawyer recommends tools like the "36 Questions to Fall in Love," the card game *Tales*, and Diary of CEO questions to build progressive emotional intimacy early in a relationship.
• 2.Hookup culture destroyed courtship: Skipping the slow reveal of self — emotionally and physically — removes the drive, earning, and reward dynamic that historically kept couples bonded and committed.
• 3.Vasopressin and "good boy points": Men bond neurologically via vasopressin; small rewards and earned praise from a woman they're attached to drive men to extraordinary effort, just like belt progression in BJJ.
• 4.Roy Baumeister's research: Women are the gatekeepers of sex — men will meet whatever standard women set. If women demand discipline and commitment, men become that; if they reward flakiness, men stay flaky.
• 5.The divorce lawyer's data advantage: He's facilitated thousands of divorces, seen credit card receipts and text messages, and heard from abusers and victims alike — his conclusion is that male codes of conduct and female gatekeeping together prevent most of what ends marriages.