The Crank Movies!! - re:View

TL;DR

Jay and Mike review both Crank films, celebrating their gleefully offensive, gonzo filmmaking style as deliberate farce rather than genuine sleaze.

Key Points

• 1.Crank (2006) follows hitman Chev Chelios injected with a 'Chinese cocktail' forcing him to maintain adrenaline or die. Directed by Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, it was shot for $12 million and functions structurally like Speed — constant motion replaces the bus's speed requirement.
• 2.Crank 2: High Voltage is the Gremlins 2 of action films. The sequel abandons the first film's tenuous grip on reality entirely, replacing the adrenaline mechanic with an electronic heart Chelios must repeatedly recharge via jumper cables, power lines, and static electricity.
• 3.The filmmakers shot on cheap prosumer Canon cameras, including dozens of disposable Canon HF10s placed around sets. If one was destroyed by a car or stunt, they simply used another — this run-and-gun chaos defined the film's grimy aesthetic intentionally.
• 4.The movies are essentially two-hour Surge Soda commercials shot like 1990s skateboard videos. Neveldine and Taylor, who came from music videos and commercials, used handheld cameras, sometimes on rollerblades, with no storyboarding and heavy ad-libbing from cast.
• 5.Jason Statham's Chelios is described as the 'straight man' amid universal depravity. Every character — from grandmothers to doctors to porn stars — is dialed to maximum filth, making the misanthropy feel egalitarian rather than targeted.
• 6.The hosts compare the films to John Waters and Jackass, arguing the relentless extremity transcends mere grossness into art. Like Jackass, embracing stupidity so completely creates a 'joyous celebration of filth' rather than simple exploitation.
• 7.Crank 2 features a flashback sequence presenting Chelios's backstory via a fake talk show with his Spice Girl mother (Jerry Halliwell). The hosts read this as a possible studio note demanding character depth, executed as a deliberate middle finger.
• 8.The film's structural joke is that Crank 2 systematically renders everything meaningful from Crank 1 pointless. The villain Chelios spared saves his life at the end of film one — Chelios murders him immediately in film two; the emotional voicemail is revealed as inaudible wind noise.
• 9.The hosts criticize David Carradine playing 100-year-old Asian triad boss 'Pun Dong' in yellowface as the one element that steps outside the film's internal logic. Unlike the film's equal-opportunity degradation, this feels like a lazy filmmaker choice rather than world-consistent satire.
• 10.Crank 2 ends with Chelios, fully engulfed in flames, turning to camera and flipping off the audience. This mirrors the first film's opening burned DVD labeled 'Fuck You' — completing a cycle from villain insulting Chelios to Chelios insulting the viewer.